I have very few personal traditions, including staying up the entire day for my birthday (which I have decided last year that I am too old for that shit) and writing something for Valentine’s Day. Today is February 14th and for the first time in years, I have been caught unprepared. I figure though that it’s not too late to tap the inner bitch/cynic for the occasion.
First, I took a look back at the documentation. I’ve been posting yearly Valentine’s articles on my website, ranging from examinations of the suspension of disbelief and of how Disney screwed us up severe to stories of momentary lapses (or a total lack thereof) in judgment. Here are a few clips:
2009
For me, Valentine’s Day is a ploy to cash in by way of guilt tripping the target market, “Recession? What recession? Wouldn’t risk the wrath of your beloved just because there’s a recession, would you?” This ploy is so bloody effective that it also causes unattached people to feel like shit. As my friend Rem put it, “Valentine’s is the meanest holiday ever invented by Hallmark. Or Ferrero Rocher. Or BearHugs. Or BlueMagic.” Or Holland Tulips.
Read more: http://www.yuppieuniverse.com/creative-non-fiction/willingly-suspending-disbelief/
2010
Beauty and the Beast. This is my all-time favorite animated movie (wait, I feel a song coming on, sing with me, “Little town… It’s a quiet village…”) and lessons-wise, I think it’s Ignore the Overrated Prick but since I can hear Chris shrieking, “FEMINIST” I’ll parse this a little more. In Beauty and the Beast, we learned that one should see beyond looks and physical appearances to see the real person inside the beast. Here’s the important life lesson kids. You just can’t take the good stuff; you’ll have to take both the beast and the prince because they’re the same person.
Read more: http://www.yuppieuniverse.com/creative-non-fiction/love-according-to-disney/
Which brings us to the next movie, 10 Things I Hate About You. I’ll pose just one question, will you or will you not date a guy (who looks suspiciously like Heath Ledger) who sings, albeit a little off-key, “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” in front of the entire school? I thought so.
Read more: http://www.yuppieuniverse.com/creative-non-fiction/yuppie-replay-rom-com-and-the-classics/
2011
“Hay.” Nagsindi ng bagong yosi si Rosario, mauubos na nya ang isang kaha. (Wasak na nga ang puso’t atay sa paglaklak sa pag-ibig, baga naman ang winawasak sa breakup. Kung ganito ang lahat ng relationship, mauubusan ng lamang loob si Rosario.) Hithit, buga. “Men are such fascinating creatures.”
Read more: http://www.yuppieuniverse.com/prose-fiction/ang-alamat-ng-misery-day/
(Other Natanga Lang stories: Fill in the blanks: His and Her Stories and Natanga Lang: The Memory Gap Special)
After re-reading all of these, I’ve come to the conclusion that a. those who read it must think I’m bitter and can’t come to terms with the fact that I am single, b. I had (note the past tense) a lot of time on my hands, and c. I am an Anti-Valentine’s Day cynic who uses the Hallmark holiday to rant. Those are technically true, and though I am not single anymore, I’m still (in general) cynical about Valentine’s Day and still place it under the category Disdain in my mental file cabinet. I don’t know what happened exactly, though the particularly horrifying prom escapades may have had a hand in it.
So yes, to recap. It’s fun to make fun of Valentine’s Day simply because it’s ridiculous. People are divided into three overlapping categories: the SAD people (Single’s Awareness Day), the people who fall into the money-eating vortex of flowers, movies, and dinner (among other things, wag nang ipagkaila), and the people who believe it’s Tuesday.
Anyway, for the hopeless romantics, hopelessly in-love (which may or may not be one sided), and just plain hopeless, it’s just one day. Plus, according to Mabie, who is convinced that every day is Friday, today is Tuesday. Now, carry on.
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