Anxiety, Change, and other random ramblings

Okay, so I’m still up, yes – because a. I’m working, and b. I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. I’ve been blaming this restlessness on change anxiety, and it’s true (or so I shall maintain until it proves otherwise). A couple of things have changed recently namely my job and my work arrangements. Other things are on the verge of changing as well, like my address and my age. Let’s get one thing out of the way before I start psychoanalyzing myself yet again: Change scares the living crap out of me.

I’ve resigned from my previous company exactly 17 days ago. I’ve forgotten how cathartic it is to resign from one’s job, yet I still felt some anxiety the day I resigned. I mean, I’ll be moving away from my Makati comfort zone back into The Wild, Wild World of the Mobile/Home Office. It’s true that I won’t have to take the buses (that go at warp speeds) to work anymore, and I’m relishing the fact that I don’t have to hurry, hurry, hurry to the office on weekdays. I can lounge around, enjoy my coffee in the morning, digest my breakfast, and work whenever I want.

So what’s my problem with the super flexi-time, super mobile, and super great deal I’ve signed myself into? Routine. I am a poor creature of dear old Routine. I am a person who gets out of bed, drinks coffee, smokes one stick, takes a bath, dresses up for work, and hops in a bus every morning. This explains why I’m still awake, procrastinating, writing a post instead of articles. I guess I’ll need time to get myself together, develop a crazy routine, and adjust.

My new bosses were enthusiastic when I sent them my first end of week report, and really, it’s been so long since I got praise from a boss that I didn’t know what to say. I only said thanks and told them that it’s rainy in Manila.

As for my address, the lease on the apartment ends in November, and we haven’t found any suitable apartments. I’ve been thinking a lot about getting a loan and buying a house. I don’t know, I guess I’m getting that urge to get some balls rolling in my life. Anyway, maybe I’m just thinking too much.

In a couple of weeks, I’ll be adding another year to my roster. I’m confident that this birthday won’t be as miserable as the past couple of years – this past 11 months were good to me, despite the fender benders here and there. I can live with a few dinks and kinks; I have a lot, some dents older than the others.

I’m rambling, I know. Change is scary, exciting, terrifying, and new. It’s okay, I’ll get my groove back and my well-adjusted façade will be back. In the meantime, I’ll stare at my screen and at the 150something page manuscript on my desk. If anybody asks, I’ll be under the paperwork, okay?