What happened: The Evil Cooking Master Special: Steamed Edition, Overnight Version

The Overlord and the Mahstah had just left so I am now free to chronicle the events (and recipes) that happened during the Evil Cooking Master Special: Steamed Edition, Overnight Version – the one that you poor schmucks didn’t attend. Anyway, let’s start at the beginning.

I pulled off a half BamBam (only 30 minutes late) and picked up the Overlord and the Mahstah (aka Noreen and Rica) at the LRT Buendia Chowking. After Chowking finished slaughtering the pig and harvesting the rice for Rica’s food, we were on our merry way to LP. We then went to the giant grocery store that is not pure gold and shopped for stuff. Good thing the guard had wisely asked Rica to surrender her rockstar umbrella; by the time we got the “one basket only” queue, she was ready to stab people with it.

Anyway, the menu: siomai, leche plan (yes, with a P.), mac and cheese, and steamed banana cake.

Siomai (by the Triumvirate of Evil)

Ingredients: ground pork, chopped garlic, chopped onions, salt pepper, siomai wrapper

Instructions: We pretty much just winged this since we didn’t have a recipe with us – just bits and pieces of memories of our moms doing it.

Steamed Banana Cake by the Overlord (internet recipes… mmm.)

Mac and Cheese (otherwise known as Rio Specialty number 2)

Ingredients: chopped bacon, milk, butter, macaroni, cooking oil, chopped garlic and onions, salt and pepper, flour, and CHEESE (Queso does wonders. Note: Queso, not Quez-O)

Instructions: Cook macaroni in boiling pot of water with salt (or half a block of pork cube) and cooking oil. In another pan, throw bacon in until it gives out the wonderfully sinful smell and throw in garlic and onions. Dissolve flour in some water. Throw in milk, cheese, and flour. Simmer until nice and thick.

For Rica’s shot at cookery, she introduced us to Aling Charing. You read that right. LUTUING PILIPINO ni Aling Charing (1969) - meron din sa National. It’s a good cookbook, actually, though you might get a nosebleed from its OLD Filipino words. It took me a while to figure out what “puswelo” meant. (Take a quick guess, Mabs.) Here are the recipes, with Rica and Aling Charing’s notes in parentheses. Believe me, you’ll know which is which.

Aling Charing’s Leche Plan I

Ingredients:

• 10 itlog ng manok (pula lamang)
• 1 latang gatas-ebaporada (malaking lata)
• 1 latang gatas-kondensada (malaking lata)
• 1 – ½ puswelong asukal (puti)
• 1 kutsarang balat ng dayap (ginayat) o 1 kutsaritang banilya (I have! I have!) wala pala ako nito =(

Procedure (Prepare, malalim na tagalog itech):

Lusawin ang asukal sa gatas-ebaporada. Ihalo ang pula ng itlog. Pagkatapos, ang gatas-kondensada naman ang isama. Haluin ngunit hindi kailangang batihin. Isama ang ginayat na balat ng dayap o banilya.

Lagyan ng dalawang kutsaritang arnibal ang llanera at ibuhos dito ang pinaghalong sangkap. Hindi dapat pagkapunuin ang llanera. Pangalahatiin lamang.

Pasingawan sa kaldero o kawali na may takip. Hindi rin dapat napakarami ng tubig na pakukuluin sa kaldero upang hindi umapaw sa llanera.

Pasingawin hanggang sa maluto. Palamigin muna bago isalin ang leche plan sa ibang lalagyan.

There you have it folks. Pics later!

Notes:

• Ang “puswelo” ay cup.
• Aling Charing is not very fond of specifying things like number of servings, how long it takes to cook…
• Mac and Cheese is pure evil.
• The only semi-non-evil thing we made was the steamed banana cake.
• We still need to perfect the siomai.
• The Overlord has forfeited hopes of achieving nirvana due to Rica’s…. well, Rica. Karma points? What karma points?
• The Overlord has power even over animals, case in point: Cats were getting it on above the kitchen (the kubo room). The Overlord looks up, says, “I haven’t killed a cat, but THERE’S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME.” Cats shut up immediately…  And stayed that way for the rest of the day (they are normally loud all day).
• Cockroaches make for interesting topics.
• When faced with the thought of cockroaches lurking in the dark, Rica goes into paranoia mode – a state in which she engages ipis into conversations.