The Bummage Chronicles

Oh the boredom and freedom that is unemployment. I have decided to record this stint of bumhood for posterity’s sake (and to make my non-life seem more interesting than it really is). I’m cutting them into parts for your sake. You might die if you get more than enough doses of inane.

June 20, Friday: I’ve moved out of the condo and moved into my brother (and wife-to-be)’s house back in the land of Las Piñas. I’ve been here a few days and lately, I haven’t been sleeping as well as one hopes. “You’re just getting antsy because you got new surroundings,” Ate Marcia (sister-in-law-to-be) explained.

I had to be somewhere early in the morning but I only managed to sleep at 6AM. I dragged my sleep-deprived ass into the bathroom at 9 and was out the door by ten. I’m meeting Rica at McDonald’s Valero (11AM) so we can collect our mini-kabuhayan showcases courtesy of QJ. I boarded a bus headed to Lawton so I can take a jeep from Buendia to Makati.

The best laid plans have a tendency to fail and so when I woke up at 11AM and stared in disbelief at the Manila City Hall, I knew that I was dead meat. I went off bus at Carriedo and walked briskly to the LRT station, the fastest way to Buendia. While walking, I sent promises and apologies to Rica, who told me that I pulled a “BamBam” on her.

If you’re wondering what a BamBam is, I’ll define it along with other useful words like Mabie, Karen, and Chichar.

I was texting one such message when I noticed that a hand was inside my bag where my Nintendo DS and James were kept (if you don’t know James, there’s a huge chance that you haven’t seen me in a couple of years). Instinct kicked in and the next thing I know, I had given the guy a right hook to the jaw. I thought I heard something crack, and the inept robber/poor bastard hightailed out of there. The faceless crowd around me blinked.

Now, don’t ask why my instincts make me go South Paw even when I am right-handed. Go argue with my trainer.

In hindsight, it wasn’t the smartest thing to do since a. the guy might have brought friends along, and b. the guy might have hit back (with my glasses, yes, that would bring a world of pain).

And so I ended up taking a jeep to Buendia and took a cab from there. Rica greeted me with “Dude, that’s a new record. What, two hours?”

You might be wondering what Rica was doing the entire time she was sitting alone outside McDonald’s Valero. Here’s a record of SMS messages she sent me that day:

• Current count of people who want to take your chair: 4.
• Lahat ng nag attempt kumuha ng upuan ay nagka-asawa’t anak na, nagging lolo’t lola na, at kasalukuyan nang nililibing.
• Sabihin mo kay manong, “Fly manong. FLY!”
• Tutukan mo na kaya si manong ng ballpen?
• Dead gutom. Dead. Drop dead. Gorgeous. Dead.
• Bileeeees, manong! Can’t you see people are daing?