random chatlogs

on watching morning cartoons... and the extent of cinderella's sexual enlightenment.

nenok13: classic na line ni prinsipe leonard (habang nasa tapat ng fountain, kasi bored sila ni cinderella): marunong ka bang mangabayo? mangabayo tayong dalawa, gusto mo?
nenok13: cinderella: hm?
nenok13: hahahahaha
iceroz_14: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
nenok13: panalo diba? weeeeeeeeener!


on naming stuff.

iceroz_14: wala, olats pangalan
iceroz_14: alexandre jakobe
iceroz_14: goodluck naman sa mga tanga magspell
pulpedpastel: jakobe?
pulpedpastel: and you pronounce it as... jacob?
pulpedpastel: o_O
iceroz_14: yup, hay
pulpedpastel: parang yung pamangkin ko. juan yung spelling, pero you say it as eu-wan.
pulpedpastel: arte.
pulpedpastel: nyeta.
iceroz_14: why are people so damn retarded about giving names anyway?
pulpedpastel: iknowright!
iceroz_14: gah
pulpedpastel: well, ako i can understand. it's affirmation of ownership e
iceroz_14: howell
pulpedpastel: di ba, observe how we have this fascination with naming even inanimate objects.
pulpedpastel: si grace ni rem. si tagpi ni trish.
pulpedpastel: si manuel dance robo
pulpedpastel: si james yosi case.
pulpedpastel: it all translates to
pulpedpastel: YOU'RE MINE BITCH!
iceroz_14: they won't listen to reasons like: the retards at the records will probably mess that up
iceroz_14: ahahahahahahah
iceroz_14: honga
pulpedpastel: yeah. aren't you glad that's not our problem? hahahahaha!!!!


on going back to basics.

iceroz_14: ang absurd ng process ng pag open ng bank account
nenok13: baket
iceroz_14: to be able to get money (in mabie's case loan, sakin paypal), i need to get IDs
iceroz_14: to get IDs, i need to shell out cash
iceroz_14: therefore, in order to earn money, i need to HAVE money
iceroz_14: shiyet
nenok13: that's the way this current civilization goes
nenok13: may option namang bumalik tayo sa trading wares
iceroz_14: rondo deja vu of ironies
nenok13: at maging barbarians uli
nenok13: uga uga
iceroz_14: mag barter trade ng asin
iceroz_14: kailangan talaga yung uga uga?
nenok13: you, take my husband. i take your house
nenok13: or something
iceroz_14: LOL
nenok13: wala ring biased laws against the brown monkeys na gagamitin
nenok13: hay
iceroz_14: hahahahahahahahaha
nenok13: so... magshell out ka ng cashesheshes
nenok13: ?
iceroz_14: this is so going to my blog
iceroz_14: wala akong magagawa. kung gusto kong mabayaran, kailangan kong magbukas ng isang account - na Visa
nenok13: hm
nenok13: no choice ah
iceroz_14: pero mukhang magandang trade yung husband for house ha.
nenok13: di ako retard, btw
nenok13: oo nga
nenok13: eh
iceroz_14: :-?
nenok13: hulul


on rakets and other activities.

seenoreen: musta?
iceroz_14: okay naman
iceroz_14: sorry dude, di ko pa naaasikaso yung drugs natin
iceroz_14: may odesk at isa pang raket ako
seenoreen: 'drugs natin' para tayong nagbebenta ng shabu
seenoreen: haha

Don't call us, we'll call you

Aspiring to be a full-time home-based writer was harder than I originally expected. I sent dozens of applications to gazillions of companies (I got my first assignment last night, yay!), but the one that really caught my eye was for an LGBT or GLBT (for the acronym impaired, it stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transsexual/Transgender) start up magazine. As the cycle of all job applications go, I sent a resume and a couple of writing samples. A week passes with no reply whatsoever. I emailed them and asked for an update, something that goes against:

a.) my knowledge of HR recruitment processes (via writing my bestfriend Ayee’s college assignments and thesis). I know that the “don’t call us, we’ll call you” thing is imperative. “We’ll call you” usually means, “We’ll call you if we can’t find somebody more suitable”. So if you don’t want to sound needy or desperate, don’t call.

b.) my inner superiority complex afflicted writer. She was screaming at me: Do not effing call if you have a sliver of pride left, dammit.

So yeah, I followed up and got gob-smacked in the face with:

Yes, I’m planning to meet you and the other writer this coming weekend! His name is Bruce.... In the meantime can you say something about how is it like to be gay in the Phils. -- social and cultural aspect... I wanna see your point of view.

That’s a very good question. It sure beats the usual list your qualities (shame though, I’ve always wanted to add “pleasing personality”), what are your strengths and weaknesses (super strength, etc. and kryptonite, respectively), and what was the toughest decision you had to make in the absence of your boss (eat out or vendo?), among other things. Anyway, I digress.

How do I answer this question? It’s a tough one for me and I don’t know why. (I’m bisexual by the way, in case you missed my post with that conversation with my brother.) It really hasn’t bothered me in a while. By “it,” I mean the strange looks I get when holding a girl’s hand in public (no petting, eww.) or being out on an obvious date with a girl. I understand why some people have that sort of reaction and I don’t feel particularly offended.

I understand that the Philippines, a largely Catholic country, still has reservations on the LGBT community. As kids, we were taught that there were men and women – no mention of women liking other women, men liking other men, or men and women that jump from one liking to the other. It’s ingrained in our collective consciousness and I admit, my battle with that early black and white teachings didn’t stop with my admittance of being bisexual.

That said, I can’t really blame my friends who have been living with spiders and reeking of moth balls in their closets. Sometimes, being tagged “gay” can be exhausting. First, you might be pigeonholed into a minority (though arguably, LGBT’s sheer numbers and cultural influence makes the word minority a bit of misnomer) and might be seen as something from a different caste. Second, you might face some opposition from family and friends. Some might even treat you differently. Third, you might get all sorts of “innocent” questions and might be the butt of some jokes (Let’s face it, we all have a jest or two about being gay). But there is hope. A lot more people are open to the idea of LGBT, and it may be due to our cultural contributions.

In this country, the gay influence is best seen in the entertainment industry, and gay awareness seems to be spread further by gay lingo’s popularity. I mean who doesn’t know chorva, chenes, or keber these days? I think it’s a good thing that more and more people understand and accept the community because the influence doesn’t – and won’t – stop there.

What do you think? Did I answer the question?

oh and if you want to try out working from home, click this link (The On Demand Global Workforce - oDesk) or the banner below:

Life After People

Rica mentioned History Channel's Life After People a few months back and of course, one of the first things I did after I got an internet connection was get a copy of it since its premise is intriguing.

Uber GEEK, yes.

Imagine if people suddenly disappeared. As in walang tao. How would the world change? I've seen about thirty minutes of the documentary and well, wow. Pets, especially small breeds of dogs, locked in houses are doomed.

Anyway, here's a sample of the documentary. And I think the world will do just fine without us. I just feel sorry for the zoo animals in their cages.

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Sozin's Comet

All good things must come to an end and for me, Avatar ended a few moments ago. The four part series finale was, for a lack of a better term, quite contenting. Everything went as one would expect (well, at least for me). Also, I'd like to note that the fight scenes were made of pure awesomeness.

I know you wouldn't want any spoilers or anything, but I just want to say: I absolutely love Toph. And what happened to Azula really wasn't surprising.

Anyway, on with regular programming.

What happened: The Evil Cooking Master Special: Steamed Edition, Overnight Version

The Overlord and the Mahstah had just left so I am now free to chronicle the events (and recipes) that happened during the Evil Cooking Master Special: Steamed Edition, Overnight Version – the one that you poor schmucks didn’t attend. Anyway, let’s start at the beginning.

I pulled off a half BamBam (only 30 minutes late) and picked up the Overlord and the Mahstah (aka Noreen and Rica) at the LRT Buendia Chowking. After Chowking finished slaughtering the pig and harvesting the rice for Rica’s food, we were on our merry way to LP. We then went to the giant grocery store that is not pure gold and shopped for stuff. Good thing the guard had wisely asked Rica to surrender her rockstar umbrella; by the time we got the “one basket only” queue, she was ready to stab people with it.

Anyway, the menu: siomai, leche plan (yes, with a P.), mac and cheese, and steamed banana cake.

Siomai (by the Triumvirate of Evil)

Ingredients: ground pork, chopped garlic, chopped onions, salt pepper, siomai wrapper

Instructions: We pretty much just winged this since we didn’t have a recipe with us – just bits and pieces of memories of our moms doing it.

Steamed Banana Cake by the Overlord (internet recipes… mmm.)

Mac and Cheese (otherwise known as Rio Specialty number 2)

Ingredients: chopped bacon, milk, butter, macaroni, cooking oil, chopped garlic and onions, salt and pepper, flour, and CHEESE (Queso does wonders. Note: Queso, not Quez-O)

Instructions: Cook macaroni in boiling pot of water with salt (or half a block of pork cube) and cooking oil. In another pan, throw bacon in until it gives out the wonderfully sinful smell and throw in garlic and onions. Dissolve flour in some water. Throw in milk, cheese, and flour. Simmer until nice and thick.

For Rica’s shot at cookery, she introduced us to Aling Charing. You read that right. LUTUING PILIPINO ni Aling Charing (1969) - meron din sa National. It’s a good cookbook, actually, though you might get a nosebleed from its OLD Filipino words. It took me a while to figure out what “puswelo” meant. (Take a quick guess, Mabs.) Here are the recipes, with Rica and Aling Charing’s notes in parentheses. Believe me, you’ll know which is which.

Aling Charing’s Leche Plan I

Ingredients:

• 10 itlog ng manok (pula lamang)
• 1 latang gatas-ebaporada (malaking lata)
• 1 latang gatas-kondensada (malaking lata)
• 1 – ½ puswelong asukal (puti)
• 1 kutsarang balat ng dayap (ginayat) o 1 kutsaritang banilya (I have! I have!) wala pala ako nito =(

Procedure (Prepare, malalim na tagalog itech):

Lusawin ang asukal sa gatas-ebaporada. Ihalo ang pula ng itlog. Pagkatapos, ang gatas-kondensada naman ang isama. Haluin ngunit hindi kailangang batihin. Isama ang ginayat na balat ng dayap o banilya.

Lagyan ng dalawang kutsaritang arnibal ang llanera at ibuhos dito ang pinaghalong sangkap. Hindi dapat pagkapunuin ang llanera. Pangalahatiin lamang.

Pasingawan sa kaldero o kawali na may takip. Hindi rin dapat napakarami ng tubig na pakukuluin sa kaldero upang hindi umapaw sa llanera.

Pasingawin hanggang sa maluto. Palamigin muna bago isalin ang leche plan sa ibang lalagyan.

There you have it folks. Pics later!

Notes:

• Ang “puswelo” ay cup.
• Aling Charing is not very fond of specifying things like number of servings, how long it takes to cook…
• Mac and Cheese is pure evil.
• The only semi-non-evil thing we made was the steamed banana cake.
• We still need to perfect the siomai.
• The Overlord has forfeited hopes of achieving nirvana due to Rica’s…. well, Rica. Karma points? What karma points?
• The Overlord has power even over animals, case in point: Cats were getting it on above the kitchen (the kubo room). The Overlord looks up, says, “I haven’t killed a cat, but THERE’S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME.” Cats shut up immediately…  And stayed that way for the rest of the day (they are normally loud all day).
• Cockroaches make for interesting topics.
• When faced with the thought of cockroaches lurking in the dark, Rica goes into paranoia mode – a state in which she engages ipis into conversations.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

i momentarily woke up from catatonia to bring this newsflash to fellow narutards (i say that like African Americans refer to themselves as niggah, or whatever). anyway, i digress.

What caused the catatonia? Dattebayo sa permanently dropped Naruto Shippuuden from their subtitling list. Here's part of the PR:

This decision is not up for discussion and not negotiable. You can guess why this is happening, and no, there is nothing you can do about it as there will always be assholes who want to piss in the pot so to speak.

It was a difficult decision, but it had to be done.

It's been a fun 4 years!

Dattebayo Fansubs, LLC - We've never been more serious

sigh. a very sad day indeed. and i say that for myself.

The Bummage Chronicles, part 5

June 28, Saturday: The avocado tree at home (dad’s house) had produced copious amounts of fruit once again. Ate Marcia (preggy sister-in-law-to-be) asked for some so I went with them to get some. (The trip for three people ended up with four kids, Ate Marcia’s big sister, and Loida.)

When I got there, Loida was already up the tree, gathering avocadoes. While she did that, Ate Marcia and her sister asked me about the neighborhood and the various sights. They saw attorney’s mango and suha trees, Aling Tess’ langka and cacao trees, and the various greenery that grow in our yard: sampaguita, kamote, siling labuyo, and the coconut trees.

I was hit by a sudden attack of nostalgia. The old neighborhood had changed. Mr. Tan demolished his house and is now building a new one, and there are no kids around anymore (the kids in that neighborhood were now grown up and have moved away, like my brother and myself), among other things. But some things still haven’t changed. Like the fruit exchange every year. We give away our avocadoes and get mangoes, langka, and other stuff whenever the said fruits are in season.

Oh-kay. That really wasn’t the highlight of the day. When the visitors had left, I stayed with my dad for coffee and cigarettes. We got to talking about the old kids in the neighborhood (read: my old punchb-- er, playmates). Since dad used to have a school service and took a lot of the kids to school, he has made it a point to find out how each one turned out. In the middle of the conversation, my dad said, “Remember Jet? Pip’s son, the one you had a fist fight with when you were a kid.”

Me: What fistfight? I had a fistfight with Jet? I remember making Marlon and Andrew cry, but not Jet. (This shouldn’t be a surprise. I’ve been a tomboy since childhood.)

Dad: You had a fight with Andrew? I didn’t know that. (In my mind, I remembered that only my lola was home when that happened. Details later.) You bloodied Jet’s lip! Of course, that had his mom come here and speak to your mom (who apparently laughed it off but still gave me a couple of hits with a tsinelas).

Me: I really don’t remember.

Dad: You said you had a fight with Andrew? He works at the bank now. He looks okay, though the stilettos are really something.

Me: Excuse me?

Dad: You know those pointy shoes women wear?

Me: HE’S GAY?

Dad: Well, yes. Come to think of it, Jet’s gay too.

Me: O_O

 

Rica’s explanation: Maybe they realized they were gay when they got hit on the face.

It’s ironic really, since I turned out gay, too.

-----------------------------------------

Gamer’s note: The Overlord, Noreen, texted me and said, “Confirmed ang Diablo 3.” AAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *dies*

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Related convo with Kuya yesterday, July 18. He was looking over my shoulder while I showed him a couple of stuff on the Internet.

Kuya, looking at my Gmail inbox: What's that interview for?

Me, absently: A gay and lesbian magazine.

Kuya, almost tentatively: Bakit, lesbian ka ba?

Me, still only half paying attention: Bi.

Kuya: WHAT?

Me, looks at him: What?

Kuya (voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper): Alam ni Nanay?

Me: No.

Kuya: Alam ni Tatay?

Me: No.

I think I gave him quite a scare there. I half expected him to have a heart attack on the spot. Anyway, he knows I don't care if he tells Mom or Dad so he can't use the information (and if he does, I'll call him a raging homophobe forever). Haha. Sorry for the fright, bro.

The Bummage Chronicles, part 4

June 27, Friday: Kat, an old friend of mine from high school, is having a baby next month (a boy!) and so she asked me earlier for name suggestions. Her mom likes the sound of Jakob and she’s been asking around for another name to go with that. So far, Kat has come up with these: Amir Jakob, Jakob Matthew, Antoine Jakob, Timothy Jakob, Ferrari Jakob (note: cars are for driving, not for names.), Noel Jakob, Pablo Jakobo, Jakob Vincent, Samuel Jakob, and Lee Jakob.

Now don’t laugh. I have heard of worse. Like Boogles and Flossy. Other BAAAAD examples include Brooke Shields Dimautangan and Tom Cruise dela Cruz. See? Giving names to future humans is very risky business.

When I asked Ate Marcia, my brother’s 6month pregnant wife-to-be, she said that my future nephew’s name would be Maron Chris Angelo (Maron from their names, Chris for “gift of God” and Ate Marcia’s big sister, and Angelo from my father’s name). “That’s way too long,” Kat argued. “The kid would have a hard time writing his name – on surprise test papers.” I knew she was speaking from personal experience but I countered, “I’d teach him to write only his surname on the paper. I’m sure Siochi’s not easy to confuse with other names.”

Anyway, I’m straying from the subject.

As you can probably tell, the names mentioned above just didn’t make the cut. Come on, I won’t be the godmother of anybody about to be christened Pablo Jakobo. I just might snatch the baby away and hide him until his mother thinks up of a better name.

So what did I suggest? I told my sister-in-law-to-be, er… “suggested” that they can shorten the name to Maron Angelo. I thought that Chris might be a bit redundant beside Angelo. As for the other parent to be, I suggested Dylan. Don’t you think that sounds nice? Jakob Dylan. Hmmm…

All this talk about names reminded me on how I got mine. According to my parents, my name was supposed to be Rachel. (Yes, I know. It doesn’t suit my rep.) Fast forward to October 31, 1983, my tita “suggested” that I be called Rosario since it was the end of the month of the Rosary, plus it would be a namesake for both my grandmothers (Rosalinda and Rosa) and the tita (also Rosa) in question.

The rest is history. Since then I have been called a hundred names:

·          Rosario – when my dad’s angry (my mom doesn’t say my name, she has “the Look”), Bunso on normal days

• Rio – nickname
• Chochi/Choch – ePerformax and QJ friends, it all started with a guy named Molave Timonera (he addressed gifts to me as to Chochi Siochi, go figure)
• Siochi – guy friends
• Wio/Io – favorite cousin
• Boss – it was way back in elementary, don’t ask or I shall wring your neck
• Chichan/Riochan/Ichan – my bestfriend Ayee
• Rio-san/Rio-chan/Chosa-san – Lei, and I call her Chibi-chan
• And a dozen others I can’t remember right now, or chose to forget.

eat that bitches!

The Bummage Chronicles, part 3

June 25, Wednesday: You know you’re bored when you spend the better parts of the day locked in your room and playing nothing but – hold your breath – casual pc game. I’ve installed Ayee’s hardcore casual games to my pc and tried some of them out. Here’s a list:

·          Cake Mania – If you’ve played Diner Dash and loved the fast paced servitude of customers, then you’d probably love this game too. Though instead of Flo who ran from the corpo world to start her diner empire, the heroine here looks to reopen her grandparents’ mom and pop cake shop.

·          Elements – It’s a nice take on Alchemy and the like. With the basic elements like wind, air, and water, MumboJumbo created a nice puzzle game with zen visuals.

·          Insaniquarium – The title says it all. GameHouse, the one of the gods of casual gaming (along with PopCap and MumboJumbo), created this thing of absolute beauty. Minutes turn into hours of playing and honestly, who doesn’t like them guppies? (Personally though, I’ve grown quite attached to the Predators, who munch on little guppies for lunch.)

·          Alice Greenfingers – Think Harvest Moon only you can also control the selling price of your veggies.

·          Boggle – Word game!

·          BubbleShooter – Oooh, bubbles! You play one bubble game and you’ve played them all, but that doesn’t necessarily make them anything less than fun.

·          Clayside – I found the title intriguing and the art unique (reminded me of good old Gumby) but only tried it for a couple of minutes.

·          Dream Day Honeymoon – NOT MY THING.

·          Dream Day Wedding – Again, not my thing.

·          Magus in Search of Adventure – This reminded me of Eggbert and I don’t know why (here you play as a magician - Salamander? Newt? – instead of Humpty Dumpty’s cousin). The gameplay is much like Lode Runner. Nab anything that looks precious and strategically dig holes to get to otherwise inaccessible areas.

·          Mystery Case Files Huntsville – My tita and cousins at Bulacan are crazily addicted to this, and I’m finding it quite nice. Detective puzzle game!

You do see how desperate the situation is becoming, yes? Could somebody please install the bloody internet connection already?

The Bummage Chronicles, part 2

June 21, Saturday: With yesterday’s mini-kabuhayan showcase in my pocket, I went to Alabang Town Center to a. buy me a new PC, and b. find the Japanese store for Rica’s Japanese pillow (2 hours late = Japanese pillow). I asked Bryan, an old friend from high school/ex-boyfriend/back to friend, who agreed to help me pick out the parts I needed and also help me carry the stuff back home.

Why did I ask him along? He knows more about computers than I do. Plus with all those times he dragged me along to weird trips and for that time I half-dragged him home, I still have friend cards with his name on them, and he has sufficient muscle power to lift the CPU. Arguably, I can lift the CPU myself but I can’t lug it around along with two big plastic bags full of PC stuff and a bag of Japanese pillows, now can I?

Side comment: I barely recognized him with less hair.

After we got the PC (my new baby: Dual Core 2.2GHz, Seagate HD 160GB, Kingston 1GB RAM, ECS motherboard, and LG 22x Lightscribe!), the bloody cabbies from hell refused to take us for anything less than 350bucks. Note that I can take a cab to Makati from Las Piñas and back with that sort of cash. Since I drained my mini-kabuhayan showcase on the PC, I barely had money left for the celestial cab fare, so we decided to take a jeep. And so the misery began.

Alabang Town Center is approximately 30minutes away from my brother’s house, but since it was a Saturday and it seemed like everybody in Alabang was on their way to SM Southmall, we spent 30 minutes sitting on the same spot. The jeep inched its way toward Toyota, an entrance to BF Parañaque and a shortcut away from the traffic. Bry suggested that we take a tricycle from there and spare ourselves an hour. We still had to go to another shop to pick up a monitor for my PC. And so we went. It started to rain.

When we got to the tricycle station, the queue was loooooong and we spent another 30 minutes with only tarp shielding us (and the PC) from the rain. Water dripped on Bryan’s head and he shivered all over – the cold water dropped onto his spiky hair and slid straight to his scalp.

We finally got a trike and it rained harder. Bryan’s famous last words: Sana hindi baha. Batman/Bruce Wayne was not going to let us catch a break. The water was ankle deep and as usual - filthy. I told Bryan, “Please do not slip.” We had to take another tricycle to the main road so we tried to flag the ones parked across the street.

Tricycle Driver across the street: Trike kayo?

Me, screaming: Opo, papunta po sa labasan! (Gesturing toward the direction where we were going)

Same Tricycle Driver across the street: Trike kayo?

Me, screaming louder: OO NGA PO! (It started to rain harder and water squished and splashed around and in my Chucks.)

Tricycle Driver across the street: (Kicked the trike’s engine to life and drove away.)

Me to Bryan: Is he turning around or is he deaf AND retarded?

Bryan: He’s turning around to get us, look.

Tricycle stops in front of us. Bryan puts the PC on the seat and assists me. Tricycle drives away.

Tricycle Driver: San po kayo ma’m?

Me, trying hard not to burst into flames: Uh, manong, yung kasama ko po.

Tricycle Driver: San po kayo ma’m?

Me, louder: YUNG KASAMA KO PO MANONG.

Tricycle Driver: Ay, kasama ba sya?

Anyway, we got to the main road and got to the shop selling second hand PC monitors. The rain was by then minimal so we thought the trip back to the house was going to be easier. I got the monitor and as we were prepping to leave, the heavens fell again and kept falling.

The thing about cabs is that there aren’t any when you need them. The shop closes at nine and we stood in the rain (with the PC and monitor stuff inside the shop) for 45 minutes. We were worried that if we were to wait for the rain to stop, the shop might close and the PC would be drenched outside and cause me to kill everybody within a 30kilometer radius.

We did get home. As we slumped on the carpet on my brother’s living room, my bestfriend Ayee (she’s also Bryan’s bestfriend) sent an SMS: Is Bryan still with you? I need you both NOW.

Apparently, Ayee still has the most friend cards among us and so we went. She was depressed when we got to her house. Because she had attended a wedding earlier that day and – horror of horrors! – caught the bouquet. Now, if you think that catching a bouquet just means that you’ll be getting married next (in superstition), you’re wrong. It also means that you have to be subject to a number of games involving a garter.

So we ended up comforting ourselves with a round of floats, shake shake fries, and cheese burgers.

I was quite nice really and funny now that I think about it. I’m not quite ready to go on another big purchase while it’s raining small animals though.

The Bummage Chronicles

Oh the boredom and freedom that is unemployment. I have decided to record this stint of bumhood for posterity’s sake (and to make my non-life seem more interesting than it really is). I’m cutting them into parts for your sake. You might die if you get more than enough doses of inane.

June 20, Friday: I’ve moved out of the condo and moved into my brother (and wife-to-be)’s house back in the land of Las Piñas. I’ve been here a few days and lately, I haven’t been sleeping as well as one hopes. “You’re just getting antsy because you got new surroundings,” Ate Marcia (sister-in-law-to-be) explained.

I had to be somewhere early in the morning but I only managed to sleep at 6AM. I dragged my sleep-deprived ass into the bathroom at 9 and was out the door by ten. I’m meeting Rica at McDonald’s Valero (11AM) so we can collect our mini-kabuhayan showcases courtesy of QJ. I boarded a bus headed to Lawton so I can take a jeep from Buendia to Makati.

The best laid plans have a tendency to fail and so when I woke up at 11AM and stared in disbelief at the Manila City Hall, I knew that I was dead meat. I went off bus at Carriedo and walked briskly to the LRT station, the fastest way to Buendia. While walking, I sent promises and apologies to Rica, who told me that I pulled a “BamBam” on her.

If you’re wondering what a BamBam is, I’ll define it along with other useful words like Mabie, Karen, and Chichar.

I was texting one such message when I noticed that a hand was inside my bag where my Nintendo DS and James were kept (if you don’t know James, there’s a huge chance that you haven’t seen me in a couple of years). Instinct kicked in and the next thing I know, I had given the guy a right hook to the jaw. I thought I heard something crack, and the inept robber/poor bastard hightailed out of there. The faceless crowd around me blinked.

Now, don’t ask why my instincts make me go South Paw even when I am right-handed. Go argue with my trainer.

In hindsight, it wasn’t the smartest thing to do since a. the guy might have brought friends along, and b. the guy might have hit back (with my glasses, yes, that would bring a world of pain).

And so I ended up taking a jeep to Buendia and took a cab from there. Rica greeted me with “Dude, that’s a new record. What, two hours?”

You might be wondering what Rica was doing the entire time she was sitting alone outside McDonald’s Valero. Here’s a record of SMS messages she sent me that day:

• Current count of people who want to take your chair: 4.
• Lahat ng nag attempt kumuha ng upuan ay nagka-asawa’t anak na, nagging lolo’t lola na, at kasalukuyan nang nililibing.
• Sabihin mo kay manong, “Fly manong. FLY!”
• Tutukan mo na kaya si manong ng ballpen?
• Dead gutom. Dead. Drop dead. Gorgeous. Dead.
• Bileeeees, manong! Can’t you see people are daing?

The Evil Cooking Master Special: Steamed Edition, Overnight Version!

Okay, it's three days from now. So far, the evil cooking masters have done a Baked Edition, Evil Sans Rival Edition, and the Team Building (What's Stopping Us From Poisoning Everybody) Edition. On July 20 to 21, we shall be having an Evil Cooking Master Special: Steamed Edition, Overnight Version.

Cringe worthless minions, yes.

Now, this would be more fun with more evil coming to visit LP, but as usual, Elai and Anne can't make it. (Are you surprised? I'm not.) Anyway, The Mahstah (Rica), The Overlord (Noreen) and Shalleeh Behrry will be there to slave over the stove for the creation of evil siopao, siomai, doughnuts, and so much more. *insert mad laughter, lightning and thunder*

We will be providing a full report when we get cooking and pictures as well. What for? So you can drool over our creations and wonder why you didn't come along. HA!

putangina!

may internet na ako sa wakas! sa susunod na ang kwento.... i think imma spam now. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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EDIT: after spending... (ampucha, mag aalasais na!) on reading multiply, email, and other backlog i have decided to not read them at all. HAHAHAHAHAHA.