them jellyfish fucking hate me...

yep, i got stung by jellyfish. twice (if i count the suspicious-looking bruise on my knee, thrice). why me? no freaking idea. i was happily swimming around then.. ouchies.

believe me, you do not want to be stung by those brainless invertebrates because it hurts like fucking hell. i still have some tentacle shaped welts on my left arm, yes.

anyway, i meant to write about the Lobo trip with SSS but i have to be somewhere else in a few, so i'll do that some other time.

thanks for all the fish

1700+ articles later, I'm finally leaving. I learned a lot here and it was fun working for and with most of the people around here. Fun times. Working here developed my fiction into something a bit dark and twisted, but that's a good thing depending on how you look at it.

Anyway, goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

hindi ako nagpagupit dahil depressed ako

Nagpagupit ako nung isang araw. Dapat nung isang linggo pa ko magpapagupit pero dahil sa drama sa opisina, nagcancel ako sa nanay ko at nagkumahog pabalik ng opisina. Wala rin namang nagawa ang pag punta ko na yun, pero at least nakita ko sila Bam at Ahorney sa huling araw nila dun.

Nung nakaraang taon, sobrang humaba yung buhok ko dahil sobrang busy (at tamad) ko para pumunta sa pagupitan, in short, yung dalawang beses sa isang taon na nagpapagupit kami ng nanay ko ay parehong nakansela last year.

Yun na nga, dun kami nagkita sa pagupitan (sa mga taga-Las Piñas, yung F Salon sa Moonwalk) at mabuti naman at nandun padin si Ate Rose. Ibig sabihin nun, hindi ko kailangang manapak in case shit happened. Take note, si Ate Rose ang naggugupit sakin mula nung magbukas ang pagupitan na yun (at medyo nahihirapan na kasi ang nanay ko na gupitan ako).

Unang kita palang nya sakin, sabi na agad ni Ate Rose , "Ang haba na nyang buhok mo ah."

Umupo na agad ako sa pwesto nya at baka maunahan pa ako. Nilagyan ng balabal, nilagyan ng sangkaterbang clips ang buhok ko (usually, isa lang talaga ang ginagamit para sa unang pag-clip pero masyadong makapal ang buhok ko), binasa ng spray at sinimulang gupitin. At syempre, nakipagkwentuhan si Ate. "Ilang taon na ba tayo hindi nagkita?"

Ang sagot ko: Isa po ata. Busy po kasi sa trabaho (RIIIIGHT). Tapos narealize ko na buhok ko ata yung kausap nya. Tapos nun, tumigil sya sandali (para magpahinga siguro) at tinanong ako, "Bakit kumulot nanaman yung nasa likod? Palagi mo nanaman iniipit no?" Para kay Ate, kasalanang mortal ata ang pag ipit ng buhok ko dahil ayun, tumitikwas nga. Pagkatapos nun, madami pang tanong tulad ng "Di ka talaga nagkakasplit ends o dandruff no?"

Hinarap nya ako sa salamin at sinabi na pwede ko daw tignan yung progress. Ngumiti lang ako sa salamin. Natawa si Ate Rose. "Hindi mo nga pala nakikita. Mommy, yung salamin daw po." Take note, siya lang ang nakakatawag sa nanay ko ng "Mommy."

Tapos, balik sa laban. Nakipag-away, nakiusap, at nagsumamo si Ate Rose. Sa madaling salita: "Doctor, the operation was a success." Pagkatapos ng halos dalawang oras ng gupitan (nag-umpisa kami ng 4:50 at natapos ng 6:30), tapos na. Voila! Bagong hair. I'm back to "gwapo mode" sabi ni Ayee, at oo, namiss ko ang maiksing buhok.

Hindi ako depressed. Sa katunayan, medyo masaya nga. Imagine: Makakalabas ka na sa concentration camp (for real). Alam mong mapupunta ka rin sa pabrika ni Schindler at malamang dun ka na mamamatay, pero masaya parin kasi lalaya ka na.

Ganung klase ng saya.

Kurt Vonnegut's Rules for Short Story Writing

I came across this on Wikipedia back when Rica told me about Nation of Two [which turned out to be Mother Night] and basically, it's more like a post to remind myself.

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Oh and we started a new Multiply group called "As Surreal as It Gets." Check it out here.

Promdifiction

http://promdifiction.subersibo.net/

memories of shift sarcastic

Here it is, the motherload of all epic EPIC chatlogs. I've compiled all of the funny convos and usual sarcastic banter we had (past tense) in Shift Sarcastic. I also added some emails and well, other stuff. This is a long one, but here goes:
~~~~~~

On Feedback
nano_speaks: sa work report ni certeza nung 14 (yes, i'm swamped with unread work reports...): "Leads are overflowing and in abundance like a new harvest springing forth from the bosom of Demeter."


nano_speaks: i plan on talking with him. here's a possible scenario:

    me: oh, we're letting you go
    him: i haven't been in a leash naman ah, why?
    me: i mean, let you go. as in fire you.
    him: huwhaaaaaaaaaaat??!!??!!!?!?!
    him: /wrist


[11:01:11] <Ahorney> I don't want to be overly critical, as our team building has made me realize that I should deliver criticism in a constructive and helping manner but tightpants really can't write videogame articles.
[11:01:41] <Ahorney> What do you guys plan on doing for his next appraisal? Drag him out of the office and beat him with sticks?
[11:11:21 AM] <nano_speaks> di ko na alam pano pa ieedit yung article nya without rewriting it and beating him with a bbq stick in the process
[11:11:57 AM] <icechiyo> bbq stick lang?
[11:12:18 AM] <icechiyo> ni hindi mo magagamit ang verb na "bambo" dun eh
[11:13:00 AM] <nano_speaks> masakit kaya ang bbq stick
[11:13:09 AM] <nano_speaks> pang-sissy kasi kaya maganda ang image
[11:13:15 AM] <icechiyo> LOL
[11:19:57] <Ahorney> But yeah, it does sound like drop-kicking a dying puppy with cleated boots on.
[11:20:07] <nano_speaks> don't tempt me. bruhong 'to...


Curl Up and Die
[11:24:41 AM] <icechiyo> At best, news of an Xbox 360 motion sensing controller are still very vague given that nothing has actually been confirmed yet regarding when this feature will actually be released or if the first-party add-on shall indeed incorporate the motion sensing technology recently patented by Microsoft.
[11:26:27 AM] *nano_speaks ay nag-nosebleed
[11:26:52 AM] <icechiyo> /wrists


11:29:28 AM] *icechiyo curls up and dies.
[11:31:11 AM] *nano_speaks bows down to hell's lord and wishes he come up here and take someone back down with him. and i'd prefer the hell lord bring a knife with him.
[11:31:35 AM] <icechiyo> Reading tightpants' articles makes me wish I have the superhuman ability to kill myself by exploding into a million itty-bitty chunks.
[11:31:42 AM] <icechiyo> from Ahorney


[12:40:41 PM] <icechiyo> An old saying goes that in us all beats the heart of a true artist.
[12:40:46 PM] <icechiyo> intro palang o
[12:41:13 PM] <Ahorney> Huuuuuuuh
[12:41:22 PM] <Ahorney> Mapapaiyak ako nito.


The Usual Banter
[10:38:25 AM] <chichar> Tanong for Timster: "May qualification ba sa pagpili ng makakasama habambuhay?"
[10:38:58 AM] <Kuraudo> medyo defensive na sya sa ganyang tanong
[10:39:02 AM] <Kuraudo> "don't know, don't care"
[10:41:57 AM] <Chewie> "Do you want to die a virgin?"
[10:42:27 AM] <Chewie> Answer: "No, I'm not planning on that yet. I still have my training."
[10:42:37 AM] <Chewie> "What about married life--"
[10:42:40 AM] <Chewie> "Training."
[10:42:44 AM] <Chewie> "Girlfriend?"
[10:42:46 AM] <Chewie> "Training."
[10:42:51 AM] <Chewie> "A crush?"
[10:42:54 AM] <Chewie> "Training."
[10:43:08 AM] <knuckles> So your whole life revolves around those sticks now, huh?
[10:44:09 AM] <Chewie> "My self-lubricating arnis sticks, yeah."


Future Business Plans
Ahorney: pwedeng "hesus' buko juice: ang bukong pinagpala"
glen: ang tag line... "pang-alis ng syphilis"


Minsan, masayang maging magulo kausap....
[11:43:38 AM] <chichar> San ka?
[11:44:22 AM] <icechiyo> two seats away from you
[11:44:37 AM] <chichar> Okay good to know
[11:44:54 AM] <chichar> I shall grab Nicolos thingy
[11:45:14 AM] <icechiyo> why are you going to grab nicolo's thingy?
[11:07:31] <icechiyo> nyahahahahahahahaha


Burnt Pig Stench

Chris,

Is it possible to deny an employee the use of the microwave oven, just to be sure we don't burn down the building (though maybe I'd like that to happen in my nightmares)? She has absolutely no idea how to use the microwave oven, but she could have at least asked someone for help.

During her break, she attempted to reheat her food - thank god she remembered to keep the lid on this time - but she didn't know how to adjust the heat and how long she had to heat the food. The oven was set on the higest of the highs, and she was heating the food for four full minutes. So, sometime between editing, checking the site, and getting pissed about the shift rotation, I smelled something that might've been badly burnt pig. It was the microwave oven, and smoke was coming out from it. Really thick smoke. Smoke from the microwave? Ran to the oven, screaming like a hag, and only then did she notice what was happening to her food, the oven, and the rest of the office. She turned it off. We opened the back and front doors for ventilation, half of the time worried about setting off the fire alarm. So, after that, she cleaned the microwave.

I replied to her work report and told her she could/should ask someone to help her operate the oven. And icechiyo and Mai and I refrained to comment on the incident even after she left the office. It was especially hard.

So, I don't know what's supposed to come next. She's had a problem with using the microwave oven before (refer to Max's email), but I don't think she should be IR'd or something (maybe reminded verbally?) even though this incident could've been a cause of serious danger. She needs a how to use a microwave oven type of orientation.

So, that's what happened. If you come in tomorrow and smell the burnt flesh of pig stench, that's probably the microwave oven.


nano_speaks


On Grovelling Titles
[8:09:23 PM] <charlie> you're moving to shift 1 by next week, right?
[8:10:38 PM] <icechiyo> by thursday, i shall be in shift one. so i probably won't bug you anymore
[8:12:19 PM] <charlie> it's cool, buti nga natututo ako sa inyo when i get "bugged" XD
[8:12:30 PM] <icechiyo> and i'd be terrorizing other writers from then on
[8:12:44 PM] <charlie> so that means kasama mo pala si overlord nano_speaks, ne?
[8:12:53 PM] <charlie> (sana na lang mabait si jerko, haha!)
[8:13:08 PM] <icechiyo> sou desu. and nano_speaks is the maaahstaah, not the overlord
[8:13:14 PM] <icechiyo> noreen is the overlord
[8:13:33 PM] <icechiyo> jerko ang among tunay and/or panginoong may lupa
[8:13:36 PM] <icechiyo> hehehehe
[8:13:47 PM] <charlie> ahhh, yeah... i really gotta get used to the CM titles here
[8:13:48 PM] <icechiyo> get your grovelling titles straight
[8:13:54 PM] <charlie> hahaha!
[8:14:02 PM] <charlie> and the princess is sleeping in the other room, right?
[8:14:12 PM] <icechiyo> correct! you win a prize~!



Surreal
[3:04:46 PM] *** hr nino is Online
[3:04:38 PM] <hr nino> wag na po kayo ma late pleeeeeease
[3:06:30 PM] <icechiyo> bakit may "po"? >_<
[3:06:45 PM] <hr nino> coz you're old schoooooool jk
[3:07:08 PM] <icechiyo> try telling that to max
[3:07:17 PM] <hr nino> i wouldn't dare
[3:07:24 PM] <icechiyo> nyahahahaha!
[3:07:34 PM] <icechiyo> anyway, i'll try not to be late
[3:07:59 PM] <icechiyo> malapit nlang naman bahay ko eh
[3:09:01 PM] <hr nino> no try
[3:09:05 PM] <hr nino> you woooooon't be late
[3:09:06 PM] <hr nino> hehe
[3:09:15 PM] <hr nino> for real no more
[3:09:56 PM] <icechiyo> ha?
[3:10:47 PM] <hr nino> wala. haha
[3:11:15 PM] <cechiyo> @__@


On Murderous Intent
[8:39:26 PM] <biiiiiiiktor> There's no smiley code for someone grabbing your head and ripping it off.
[8:39:31 PM] <biiiiiiiktor> That's what I feel right now.
[8:39:45 PM] <icechiyo> ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
[8:43:06 PM] <icechiyo> how many weeks has he been here again?
[8:43:17 PM] <icechiyo> and how long until the appraisal?
[8:43:25 PM] <biiiiiiiktor> It'd be mean if I said "too long," diba?
[8:43:36 PM] <icechiyo> oh yeah
[8:43:43 PM] <biiiiiiiktor> Then my answer is "Too fucking long."


Impersonations
[9:31:58 AM] <icechiyo> i might a. beat the crap out of him, b. give notice, c. impersonate a rock
[9:33:48 AM] <nano_speaks> i'll go for the rock
[9:33:53 AM] <nano_speaks> never B
[9:33:55 AM] <nano_speaks> bitch
[12:21:17 PM] <nano_speaks> so, what happened?
[12:21:21 PM] <icechiyo> wala
[12:21:33 PM] <icechiyo> i impersonated a happy person


Time Space Warp! Now Na!
[8:56:24 AM] <icechiyo> mabie's insanely early text message, "I can't sleep, i checked the syllabus and a paper is due on .... It says THIRD paper, i can't freaking remember making a SECOND paper!!!"
[8:56:36 AM] <Chris> OMG hala


On Chinese Herbal Drinks
[8:57:26 AM] <Chris> sa work report ni nano_speaks: "There were a bunch of prio 2 homebrew leads during the shift, so I had to remind the writers to grab them (like they're hot, lol). Elaine reminded me about those unclaimed prio 2 leads."  -->  and you call me corny!
[8:58:10 AM] <icechiyo> that's forgivable, that's from ze Mahstah
[8:58:27 AM] <Chris> hahaha
[8:58:37 AM] <Chris> from Creasa: "Thanks to a Chinese herbal drink, I'm feeling a little better now."
[8:59:09 AM] <icechiyor> oh-kay
[8:59:36 AM] <Chris> makes me wonder what he took
[9:00:27 AM] <icechiyo> i wonder for what
[9:00:30 AM] <Chris> LOL yeah


On Team Building
Dear QJ peeps,

We've been talking about the team building since I got here, which was when? Last year. Why hasn't it happened yet? Because that's all we ever do. Talk. It's time to actually do something so everybody can finally get a move on with this.

So why are we doing this? Sometimes companies need to keep their employees happy (actually, it's always, but let's not bring in talk about "other companies" here). Happy peons, er - employees = better productivity, less burn out, and contentment all around. Employees stay longer and the business gets loyal "good" people instead of noobs every other month. Plus, we get to avoid that hellish screening of applicants.

What can we do? Let's keep things feasible and within the bounds of reality.

First off: Is it possible? Can we leave the blog unmanned for a couple of days? (*gasp* Oh noes.) Remember Milenyo? I wasn't here then, but I heard the blog survived without electricity, through torrential rains, and no bloggers who braved the weather for fear of giant falling debris from the heavens. Last December, I remember that we allowed people to take Christmas or New Year's off in exchange of OC articles and stuff. Can't we do that now?

Next: If we can leave the blog for a couple of days, when can we do it? There's a really big US holiday coming up, Thanksgiving. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but as far as I know, that's a proclaimed Federal holiday. It starts on the last Thursday of the November and runs for four days. Federal holidays mean that news will be unlikely (very much like Christmas and other non-business holidays), unless Dark_AleX really hates us and decides to reveal that he is an overweight pimply and very oily forty year old during those four days. At any rate, we'd be stuck fluffing and grasping at straws better known as leads if we work during those four days.

Third: How do we do it? Will we do it with the shifts separately? Or should we go all at once, since we ARE one team (yuck, HS Musical). "Team building" being the operative words, it might be best to go as ONE team and get to know each other outside this insane asylum we call the QJ offices. It's always good to have activities like such since it prevents wrong assumptions, opens communication, and generally improves teamwork. Also, it prevents or at least postpones homicidal outbursts. Since we don't want people to bust out small hand guns and mow everybody down (on the un-carpeted floor), we need some other activity that might promote camaraderie.

Fourth: What can we do and where can we do it? (No green imagery, please.) This is where suggestions come in. Be forewarned though, it might not be good to suggest something along the lines of a prayer meeting, a trip to Mandaluyong's doctors for a check up, or a lovely stroll around Makati (breathing the deathly vehicle fumes, hoping that we'll die earlier) as they may be met with flames flames flames.

Anyway, the topic is very very open for discussion. Thanksgiving runs from November 22 up to November 25. That's thirty seven days away as of this writing. We can do it sooner, but hopefully not later than that (it's still within a 30-day notice period). Let's hope this discussion doesn't peter out and go kaput like the other discussions. Some people are waiting for change, if we don't move, they will.

Ready, set, discuss.

icechiyo.

=========================================

Example suggestions from nano_speaks:

Paintball wars (but I must have a tomy gun wtih rubber bullets!) - stress relief!
Survival training (rappelling, crawling in the mud under barbwires, the likes)
Retreat (for our poor souls)



Denial Reasons
Hi, Mai!  Re: your super mario galaxy article... we never source maxconsole, even if it's the only source in the whole web. If you had to choose between nothingness and Maxconsole, you choose oblivion. Much like choosing llamas over Tim if llamas, you, and Tim are the only people on this planet.  Kapish?



Surrealism
[8:43:23 AM] *nano_speaks will ignore icechiyo now
[8:44:03 AM] *icechiyo plots to have biiiiiiiktor give nano_speaks one of these: *hugs*
[8:44:25 AM] <nano_speaks> he already gave me one!!!!
[8:44:30 AM] *nano_speaks fails at ignoring icechiyo
[8:44:30 AM] <icechiyo> eeck
[8:44:38 AM] *nano_speaks is too annoyed by the goddamn memory
[8:44:46 AM] <icechiyo> hehehe
[8:45:14 AM] *nano_speaks is annoyed that there's no puking emote
[8:45:23 AM] <icechiyo> di ko alam kung pano magrereact sa image na nagfaflash sa isip ko
[8:45:55 AM] *nano_speaks whispers, "bear hug"
[8:46:09 AM] <icechiyo> oh no
[8:46:17 AM] <icechiyo> bad images
[8:46:22 AM] *nano_speaks tells you indirectly... panda hug
[8:46:34 AM] <icechiyo> wtf is a panda hug?
[8:47:02 AM] *nano_speaks tells you, "it's a bear hug, but from a panda"
[8:47:16 AM] *nano_speaks says, "like duh!"
[8:47:25 AM] <icechiyo> classic nanaman tong convo na to
[8:47:29 AM] <icechiyo> bwahahahaha
[8:47:42 AM] *icechiyo reminds self to save convo for posterity
[8:47:42 AM] *nano_speaks tells you... "i am not in this dimension. you are hearing me only in your mind"
[8:47:51 AM] *nano_speaks tells you again, "i am a whispered"
[8:48:25 AM] <icechiyo> hanlabo. cat that looks like a panda and a hug
[8:48:39 AM] *nano_speaks saki says that's a panda cat
[8:48:44 AM] <icechiyo> yup
[8:48:53 AM] *nano_speaks tells you, "i also talked to him from a different dimension"
[8:48:54 AM] <icechiyo> meat shield daw nya un eh
[8:49:41 AM] *nano_speaks wants to kill a panda
[8:49:48 AM] <icechiyo> heheheh
[8:49:56 AM] *icechiyo wants to break jaws
[8:50:05 AM] *nano_speaks go
[8:50:27 AM] <icechiyo> teka andyan pa si chris e
[8:51:54 AM] *nano_speaks whispers, "he isn't there anymore. are you there anymore?"
[8:51:57 AM] *nano_speaks is laughing inside
[8:52:32 AM] <icechiyo> @_@ *cue twilight zone theme*
[8:53:13 AM] *nano_speaks nods head, "you definitely are not from my dimension. you think differently."
[8:53:29 AM] *nano_speaks is actually thinking about the old song... "i was dying inside to hold you..."
[8:53:37 AM] <icechiyo> .....
[8:54:13 AM] *nano_speaks is not delusional
[8:54:17 AM] *nano_speaks believes that
[8:54:22 AM] *nano_speaks really believes that
[8:54:25 AM] *nano_speaks is smiling


One Liners
Glen: There comes a time in a man's life.... when he must learn to keep his mouth shut.
BoyB: Old enough to pee, old enough for me.
Ahorney: BoyB's the strong, silent type. He's tall, dark, and bastos


EPIC WIN
[11:56:49 AM] <Chewie> NOOOOO OOOOONNNNEEEE
[11:56:53 AM] <Chewie> Squats like Anton
[11:56:56 AM] <Chewie> Smells bad like Anton
[11:57:08 AM] <Chewie> Can beat up Nicolo with arnis sticks Anton
[11:57:16 AM] <Chewie> His body odor is OOOOOVERWHELMING
[11:58:05 AM] <Chewie> There's no one who smells as strong
[11:58:07 AM] <sonic> Wat da pachter!
[11:58:09 AM] <Chewie> ANNNNNTOOOOOOOONNNNN
[12:11:37 PM] <Chewie> No one's thick as Anton
No one's sick as Anton
No one's arnis expertise is extreme as Anton
For there's no man in town half as musky
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Jec, Ryan or Chochi
And they'll tell you whose odor they'd rather choke on

No one's thick as Anton
No one's sick as Anton
No one's arnis expertise is extreme as Anton
For there's no man in town half as musky
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Jec, Ryan or Chochi
And they'll tell you whose odor they'd rather choke on

[12:43:10 PM] <sonic> EPIC WIN
[12:49:45 PM] <Chewie> No one stinks Anton
A room-clearer like Anton
No one's got a pungent tang to his smell like Anton
As a fragrance, yes, I'm carcinogenic
My what a guy, that Anton


I'll miss you guys.

Get a grip

http://ice-chiyo.livejournal.com/

nanay's day

i just realized that i never really write about my mom as much as i write about my dad (maybe it's a subconscious thing because when she started to read my journals, i started censoring what i wrote). anyway...

nanay ko? hmm... astig yun. i can only hope to live up to half of her ka-astigan. why? case in point: my dad used to get into drunken fights (with his fellow drunk friends) and run to my mom whenever things got out of hand. she once reduced a six-foot tall guy into a puddle of stammering and fast retreating goo. partida, she was unarmed.

imagine if she was holding a bolo. actually, i can not only imagine but also vividly remember that one time... scary stuff i know, but she always held that strong aura about her. maybe that's why weaker personalities cling to her like barnacles.

there's another side to her. a softer side i only see when we're alone and we're talking. she always talked to me like i was a grown up, it didn't matter that i was eight and was rather preoccupied with kids' stuff and it didn't matter that i was twenty and was preoccupied with grown up stuff. she always assumed i would understand. we talked more like sisters really, i can tell her exactly what i think and she'd take it seriously.

saka ang nanay ko lang ang nakakapagsabi ng "kung ayaw nya, edi wag. kupal pala yun eh" about a(n ex)boyfriend who didn't know what he wanted. at "nag-uusap na ba kayo? wag mong kakausapin ha?" only she can make me laugh out loud with "wag siya kamong magpapakita sakin, pipitikin ko ilong nya."

di ba? astig ang nanay ko. i won't let her down. she sure as hell didn't raise me to be pathetic.

rememblurring the fictional facts

Memory is a curious thing. Sometimes, it records the most mundane things, like when you got slipped down the stairs that one time when you were half asleep. And sometimes, it conveniently erases and blurs the important stuff. Well, Annabs came to us with an interesting idea a while back: Promdifiction. We'll write half truths, half fiction and everything else in between.

It's here: http://promdifiction.subersibo.net/

Take a look. :P The first story is Mabie's (it's also her first story in tagalog). I've yet to finish mine so good